Moms

There are times in our lives when we need someone who knows us inside and out to sit by our side, listen to us vent, and reassure us that we can make it through whatever it is we are currently going through. Sometimes we just need our moms. 

Embarrassing Mothers: When our children were 16, 14, 8, 6 & 4, I took them to a dollar movie. Side note: the movie actually cost $2 or $3, but we still call it the 'Dollar Theater' because it used to be $1 and it is relatively less expensive than paying full price at the ‘New Release Theaters,’ of which we rarely attend because why pay full price when you can wait a few months and see it for a fraction of the price? At any rate, I regress, back to the story: we were walking through the parking lot, the older boys were up ahead as I was holding the girls hands and walking several steps behind when our oldest child, Josh lamented, "This is so embarrassing... going to a movie with your family." The 14 year dryly replied, "Thanks man," to which the oldest said, "Not you, you're okay, but mom (quick glance back), Jeez..."  I was crushed... wait... what the what? I did a quick glance at myself… was I wearing something embarrassing? I was not sporting a Hawaiian muu-muu, hair curlers, tacky jewelry or anything I thought would be embarrassing to the general public. In fact, I was looking downright fashionable and taking our happy offspring to the movies... with unlimited popcorn and soda... so what the what?! All I could muster was a dejected, "You know I can hear you, right?" There was some murmuring involved, but no real response. All throughout that movie, I simmered and had the strongest urge to throw popcorn at that thankless kid’s head, run up to the row he was sitting in (because sitting with his family would have been social suicide) and announce to the entire theater that mommy was bringing him more napkins for his buttery fingers or seeing if he needed a potty break intermission. But I swallowed my prideful revenge, admitted he was going through a snotty teenager phase and sucked it up for a couple of hours. Then I did what any true martyr would do: I gave him the silent treatment, lamented for the evening about where our once sweet boy had gone, and accepted crushed visions of close teenage relationships with our brood. Then I hugged our littler munchkins and whispered in their ears, “You still like me, right? Mommy needs some sugar” and gratefully accepted as many kisses and hugs they could muster while searching for a way to freeze time, keeping them young and sweet for as long as possible.
Fast forward 48 hours: Josh came home sick from school with the flu and a fever, which I half-believed was sweet justice. I gave him medication, an empty puke bowl and a cold, wet  washcloth for his forehead with instructions to go lay down. He might have been halfway to miserable delirium, but as he curled up in the fetal position, he reached out one hand to me and croaked, “Mom.” That’s right, folks; all that this smelly, 6’2, gangly boy was missing... his mom! So I melted like a popsicle, sat next to him, held his head in my lap and brushed his hair back with the cold, wet cloth while humming Primary songs I used to sing him to sleep with when he was young until he finally passed out. Okay, lesson learned: sometimes you need your mom and sometimes you need to appear to not need your mom, and it is all part of the mother/child relationship. Although the former was like a dagger to the heart, there are times when people will simply need their moms... or a close friend or somebody in their lives who they can turn to when life's trials threaten to eat us alive.  
  
4th A/C Chemo Treatment: We received my 4th and final A/C chemo treatment on Friday and look forward to moving on to the hopefully less invasive treatments over the next few months. Our oncologist told us things would become cumulatively worse with these first four intensive treatments during the initial eight weeks. I thought I could muscle through this initial chemo, but the past couple of weeks had progressively gotten to a point where I could not do everything I wanted or needed to do. After Friday's treatment, we have about two weeks of the horrible side effects and ramifications, then starting April 21st, we will have 12 weeks of a less horrible, somewhat less invasive weekly chemo that is supposed to be easier to manage while still progressively getting worse over the following 12-week period and completing around the beginning of July. We are praying our oncologist and nurses are correct regarding the next chemo series being easier to handle physically and mentally, because we have lives to live and things to accomplish over the next few months. We need to get back to some sort of normalcy. Maybe it's a fascade, maybe the chemo brain and side effects will still linger, but we are hoping everything will be easier to manage as we move forward.


Sweet Relief: With the past two weeks being fairly horrible and limiting my ability to attend work and school, I had decided I was slowly falling into an abyss, when a 74 year-old ray of sunshine walked up my entryway and I practically melted in her arms. My mom came to visit! I can not explain the feeling of overwhelmed relief just having her enter our home. I started crying. I think I may have actually sobbed uncontrolably at one point. I basically fell apart... much to the shock of our three teens who were watching slightly horrified. But maybe it was good for them to see that everyone has their limitations and there are days when I just need my mom too. It has truly been a blessing to have her here, keeping everyone fed and on top of the laundry, but most of all, it has been her unwavering support and reassurance as I've felt so defeated by these treatments.

Other tests: Ultrasound Echo-Gram & Chest Xrays: Because of several side effects, I had an ultrasound echo-cardio gram to test my heart. All of this chemo is tough on the heart muscle, but according to the test, my heart is pumping away and doing fine, which is good news. Chest Xrays were also given because I've pick up a cough, which seems to have more to do with allergies and time of year than anything else, bring on the Zyrtec!

Happy thoughts and other uplifting tasks to help us get through the next few weeks: Trying to rest as much as possible and drink plenty of liquids, plant a few seasonal flower pots, soak up a little vitamin D theapy, attempting to work when possible and finishing up the final weeks of school while savoring time with mom... who is helping to make it all possible.