I read a wonderful post recently which reminded me that when
life looks like all we have done is failed, remember that our Father in Heaven
had a perfect plan for His son, just as He has a perfect plan for us. The Lord
will provide a way to be victorious over the obstacles of life. Christ has risen and I relished singing Hallelujah
with our congregation yesterday during Easter Sunday. When we sat down to tell our kids that I had cancer in January, first,
we needed to put things in perspective. It was important for us to talk about
the atonement and what it means to Tim and I, because it is only through the
grace of our Savior that we can do all things. This cancer is so much bigger
than us, but we know His grace is sufficient to see us through. It is a personal
relationship that each one of us can have with our Savior because He died for
each of us. It is more to us than simply believing in what occurred in the
past, it is knowing in our hearts how
this occurrence changes and affects our daily lives. Our Savior’s ultimate sacrifice
puts everything into perspective and allows us to be the flawed people we are.
Being Feisty: I mentioned in my first blog that this blogging experience might
not be all faith and sunshine and this past week I’ve been a little grumpy.
Okay, grumpy is not an accurate depiction, my emotions are similar to a roller coaster and there have been times when I’ve been down right irked about a
few small things which rubbed me the wrong way for short amounts of time. First of all, it is pretty safe to say that if
you know me, you may know that I do not always like to be told what to do. Tell me something is impossible and I will
find a way to make it possible. Tim actually likes this about me; this feisty desire
to figure things out and go against the grain. I am not shy about this trait, I
have mentioned previously that I am stubborn, but there have also been many
times when this stubbornness has bitten me in the butt. At any rate, I regress, this week has found me temporarily frustrated
with a few occurrences and annoyed with other human beings. But when
coupled with the grace of our Savior, I have also been in awe of how easy it is to let go of the frustrations, keep things in perspective
and remind myself that His grace is sufficient for all of us.
Have you ever seen the SLN skits, ‘Really… with Seth & Amy?’ Well,
I usually loved these fun filled rants (when they were clean), so I am debating starting my own, ‘Things
that could irk someone if they allowed themselves to be irked’ rants:
1. Being told I would come around to liking the
color pink. Really? Is this a rule? Does everyone who has breast cancer feel a deep
connection to this color? I think not. If there is one sure way to cement
my thoughts on a subject, it is to tell me what to think, how to feel or what
to believe about a certain topic. Just ask my poor mother. When I was eighteen years
old and talking about voting for the first time, my mom made an innocent
comment regarding just checking the ‘all republican’ box on the ballet
and calling it good. I was appalled. What? Just vote for a party and not research
the candidates or the issues? I’ll show you, I thought to myself… maybe I am a
democrat! Ha! Maybe I am an independent whatever… obviously I had no clue… but
the fact that I would blindly just do as I was told without finding out for
myself what I personally believed effected my voting decisions
for the rest of my life. I think I voted for Ross Perot out of pure spite. Ha… tell me to vote republican. I’ll show
you. I still cross party lines to go with certain leaders who I like more than
others – do not even get me started about this year’s nightmare candidates on
both sides. (Moving to Canada is looking better and better.) So the bottom line… do not tell me I will come around to liking the color
pink – it is not happening.
2. Someone at church half-jokingly asked me if I
was becoming Muslim when I showed up wearing a head scarf over my first Sunday
of baldness. Really? Yep… really… at church. I cannot make this stuff up people.
Really, sometimes it is best to say nothing rather than say something so
idiotic to someone wearing a head scarf for the first time to church. But you know what? After a few minutes, I let
it go because I love this person regardless. Haven't we ALL put our foot in our
mouths at different times in our lives, or not known what to say to people
going through difficult situations? All we can do is love each other anyways,
share God’s grace and move on.
3. Listening to an ostentatious young man complain
about his living conditions, call one of the items we served him as ‘interesting,’
boast about what he looked forward to doing after his upcoming release, and
seeing the wasted potential of two years of service all while he refused to
look me in the eye while trying to converse. Really? I wanted to lecture this clueless kid about being
humble…. “look people in the eye you little turd, even if it makes you feel
uncomfortable, because it is okay to see that others are less fortunate than
yourself.” But even a returning Elder can be clueless to seeing that others
sacrifice for their own benefit. Really. Okay, once again, God’s grace whisks
away the grumpiness because it is sufficient to understand that we are all God’s
children and if personal growth does not come sooner, it will come later.
People do not know what they do not know, and all the lecturing in the world
will not speed up the process. People must figure things out on their own and
it is not my job to enlighten a clueless twenty-one year old. Just love him for
the clueless kid he was or is; God loves him and sees his potential, so through
His grace, so can I.
4. Seeing all my boys’ hair all grow back as
quickly as chia pets… I know it is totally unreasonable to assume we would all
be bald together for the duration, but the solidarity was nice while it lasted.
Now the St. Baldrick’s high has worn off and I am missing my hair. The bottom
line is that being bald totally blows and it is amazing how cold one can become
with no hair to hold in the body heat. BUT then my kind friend Carin shared her
head scarf collection and my young friends Sami and Mekayla made me a
warm blanket. Aww… thank you for the grace of warmth and kindness sweet friends.
I am currently savoring Sheri Dew's little book Amazed by Grace this Easter season and I just can't relate enough how grateful I feel for the grace of our Savior. Without the knowledge of
Heavenly Father’s plan, one might question the life of our Savior and how it
came to an end so abruptly following the miracles prior to His death. He taught
perfectly, He served perfectly, He loved perfectly. In the end, He was rejected…
but His life was no failure. We know the life of our Savior
has more meaning than when He lost His life. Although it looked like He
couldn’t change the hearts of the people, He still provided a way for them to
do so… to come to Him. He overcame pain, sin, death and evil and therefore
achieved the greatest success this world have ever known. He rose. We can do
the same, figuratively, physically and spiritually. He saved us in every sense
of the word and in doing so, led the way for us to follow Him. Our guiding light, our brother, our Savior… thank
you for showing us the way. Thank you for giving grace to a soul so rebellious, stubborn and feisty as mine.