Being Practical

Exhibit A Flashback

There are times in our lives when we care what we look like. Moments in time when we want to look our best, such as special occasions, date night, or during the ages of 13 thru 25... when we tell ourselves our outward appearance actually matters. One would like to believe it is not necessarily about being vain, but maybe more of a reflection of feeling good about ourselves and being comfortable in our own skin. I remember school pictures being particularly stressful: what to wear, how to fix my hair, make-up, etc. as far as I was concerned, these photos were going to be seen (and judged) for generations to come. Oh the drama! So you can imagine the horror of breaking out with an enormous, monster zit on my nose the day prior to school pictures in 7^th grade. The 'north star' had appeared like a big red beacon and as far as I was concerned, my life was over and no amount of Seabreeze or Clearasil could remedy what ailed me. So I did what any unreasonable teenager would do: I rubbed and scrubbed, then I cried and whined, and then I begged to stay home. My mom, in her ultimate love and wisdom tried to reassure me that life would go on with her unrelenting philosophy, "There is a time to be proud and a time to be practical." So aside from an asteroid hitting the earth, I was heading to school. Murphy’s Law: Things can ALWAYS become worse... refer to Exhibit A Flashback (ignoring the 80's hairdo). Imagine my exasperation when I awoke the next morning to discover all my rubbing and scrubbing had rubbed the skin raw on my nose, causing a sufficiently sized scratch down the middle of my face; the north star had morphed into Haley's Comet. I think I might have tried to convince people that my cat scratched my nose or something ridiculous, but looking back now, I am sure no one was fooled. It was as plain as the nose on my face: Vanity 1, Practicality 0.

Going Bald and Paying it Forward: To many people receiving chemotherapy, losing your hair is a standard side effect. Our oncologist recommended taking control of the issue and shaving the hair off on our own terms rather than waiting for it to slowly fall out. I had a few ideas bouncing around about how we could do this, including sporting a mohawk in Seahawk colors with a #12 carved in the side of my head or letting our girls shave it all off while creating a before and after video – anything to feel better about losing my hair. Then while I was at the cancer center waiting for a routine blood draw, I saw a young girl walk by with her parents; she wore a hat on her little bald head and walked towards the chemo room with her rolling backpack in tow. Once again, I was flooded with gratitude for our personal circumstance; our situation is relatively minor compared to what many other families are going through. Another of my mom’s priceless philosophies came to mind, “When you are feeling down, do something for someone else.” So I spoke with several coworkers at City Hall West regarding why the annual St. Baldrick’s ‘Brave the Shave’ event was not taking place and what we could do to pull an event together. With a little scrambling, several people stepping up and some rockstar PR skills, we pulled together a ‘Boise’s Bravest and Finest’ fundraising event in less than two weeks and raised over $4000 for childhood cancer research! Although our event was undoubtedly a small drop in the overall research bucket, considering the short time frame and a goal of only raising $2500, participating in this worthwhile cause and raising more than anticipated completely rallied my spirits and put personal hair loss in perspective. Instead of lamenting over the handfuls of hair as it fell out, I just hoped I would have something left to shave on St. Patrick’s Day. My family joined in to support with Tim and Josh signing up to ‘brave the shave,’ then at the event, Mason (who hadn’t had a haircut since August and absolutely LOVED his luxurious locks) surprised everyone by joining in to participate as well. Annee shaved a cool low neck design under her ponytail and Ella dyed an under section of her hair bright pink (thank you Leisl!). Hair is just hair, but family support is priceless. Vanity 0, Practicality 1.

Woowee Baldie Family

Coming to Terms with Facebook (FB): There is an art to blending in throughout life and not receiving unwanted attention. Although I have a FB page, I am terrible at updating it and have rarely paid it much thought in the past unless it was regarding a work subject or event, a necessary evil in the nonprofit sector. Many people love FB, it is part of their daily lives and to each their own – no judgement here, it has just never been my personal cup of tea. With FB's often public and invasive in nature, I have always been fairly guarded and uncomfortable discussing my private thoughts with the FB world. I think I developed a love for anonymity when we moved to Idaho twenty-three years ago – it was nice not hearing details about other people’s personal lives or feeling like our lives were a topic of discussion. Today’s online media preeminence has changed all of this; FB is just one place where people post their best and other people often compare it to their worst – as if life was not hard enough. I have written several research papers for communication classes regarding the continuous inundation of media messaging, daily communication complications, unrelenting social pressures and shifting cultural values as people (including a majority of youth) jockey for autonomy while living in a giant fishbowl. All of which were fairly skeptical of FB and the multitude of mass media messaging processes. But for every negative aspect one could say about FB, there is another side as well and it is reasonable to assume that many people enjoy positive attributes of their FB experiences. One aspect I failed to fully comprehend until recently were a few of the positive attributes found on FB such as dancing dog videos that make us smile, positive quotes, and uplifting news stories. Many people are kind in general and want to be supportive; FB is one avenue to reach out and do so. Thank you to all those who have sent us positive thoughts and messages through FB; even if I forget to ‘Like’ your comment or reply, please know all positivity is appreciated and you have shown me a different side of FB in general. Although this does not mean I will be posting or reading posts on a daily basis, I am sure Zuckerberg, in his ultimate wisdom of parasocial relationships with the public, is relieved to know there is one less skeptic regarding his FB empire. Anonymity 0, Practicality 2.    

Genetic Test Results: Yippy! I am officially not like Angelina (yea, like I needed a genetic test to tell me that) and although bald, I am not a genetic mutant like Professor X (sorry Mason). We received good news that all of my genetic testing came back negative for pathogenic mutations. What this means: two things: 1) My mother’s pathology from a previous precancer issue is not a reflection of my hereditary genes, and 2) Our girls are not carriers of the gene which would make them more susceptible to developing breast cancer, which is a relief for this mother’s heart. They will just need to start mammograms at age 35 to be safe. This may affect our surgical options in the future as well, but it is simply too soon to go there yet. One step at a time people! Worry 0, Practicality 3.

Chemo: 2 treatments down, 16 more to go! Slow and steady wins the race. There is not much more to report other than the mouth and throat sores which have brought a new level of bland and soft foods to what I can feasibly choke down. Nausea, foggy brain, exhaustion, aches and pains... nothing new… yada yada. I will not focus my energy on whining about continual symptoms or complaining that life is rough. Chemo definitely stinks, but as long as it is doing the job it is meant to do, then we will deal with whatever it brings. Chemo Complaints 0, Practicality 4.

School: I took two midterms this week, one which delivered a lower grade than I am accustom to receiving… which frustrates the hell out of me, but I am still plugging away and look forward to graduating in May. Repeat after me: It is okay to not get an A. Pride: 0, Practicality: 5.

Ode to my Sweet Mother: This past week has proven there is a time to be proud and a time to be practical, as well as proving that doing something for others never fails to lift our spirits. Thank you mom for teaching me these valuable lessons when I was young; they have stayed with me. I hope our children grasp the concepts as I often repeat these same phrases to them. I have added several other attributes to the list of what can be outplayed by practicality: Vanity, Anonymity, Worry, Complaining, Pride = zero. Practicality and service to others will win every time. Love you!