Grace for my Stubborn Soul

I read a wonderful post recently which reminded me that when life looks like all we have done is failed, remember that our Father in Heaven had a perfect plan for His son, just as He has a perfect plan for us. The Lord will provide a way to be victorious over the obstacles of life.  Christ has risen and I relished singing Hallelujah with our congregation yesterday during Easter Sunday.  When we sat down to tell our kids that I had cancer in January, first, we needed to put things in perspective. It was important for us to talk about the atonement and what it means to Tim and I, because it is only through the grace of our Savior that we can do all things. This cancer is so much bigger than us, but we know His grace is sufficient to see us through. It is a personal relationship that each one of us can have with our Savior because He died for each of us. It is more to us than simply believing in what occurred in the past, it is knowing in our hearts how this occurrence changes and affects our daily lives. Our Savior’s ultimate sacrifice puts everything into perspective and allows us to be the flawed people we are.

Being Feisty: I mentioned in my first blog that this blogging experience might not be all faith and sunshine and this past week I’ve been a little grumpy. Okay, grumpy is not an accurate depiction, my emotions are similar to a roller coaster and there have been times when I’ve been down right irked about a few small things which rubbed me the wrong way for short amounts of time.  First of all, it is pretty safe to say that if you know me, you may know that I do not always like to be told what to do. Tell me something is impossible and I will find a way to make it possible. Tim actually likes this about me; this feisty desire to figure things out and go against the grain. I am not shy about this trait, I have mentioned previously that I am stubborn, but there have also been many times when this stubbornness has bitten me in the butt. At any rate, I regress, this week has found me temporarily frustrated with a few occurrences and annoyed with other human beings. But when coupled with the grace of our Savior, I have also been in awe of how easy it is to let go of the frustrations, keep things in perspective and remind myself that His grace is sufficient for all of us. 

Have you ever seen the SLN skits, ‘Really… with Seth & Amy?’ Well, I usually loved these fun filled rants (when they were clean), so I am debating starting my own, ‘Things that could irk someone if they allowed themselves to be irked’ rants:

1.   Being told I would come around to liking the color pink. Really? Is this a rule? Does everyone who has breast cancer feel a deep connection to this color? I think not. If there is one sure way to cement my thoughts on a subject, it is to tell me what to think, how to feel or what to believe about a certain topic. Just ask my poor mother. When I was eighteen years old and talking about voting for the first time, my mom made an innocent comment regarding just checking the ‘all republican’ box on the ballet and calling it good. I was appalled. What? Just vote for a party and not research the candidates or the issues? I’ll show you, I thought to myself… maybe I am a democrat! Ha! Maybe I am an independent whatever… obviously I had no clue… but the fact that I would blindly just do as I was told without finding out for myself what I personally believed effected my voting decisions for the rest of my life. I think I voted for Ross Perot out of pure spite.  Ha… tell me to vote republican. I’ll show you. I still cross party lines to go with certain leaders who I like more than others – do not even get me started about this year’s nightmare candidates on both sides. (Moving to Canada is looking better and better.) So the bottom line… do not tell me I will come around to liking the color pink – it is not happening. 

2.   Someone at church half-jokingly asked me if I was becoming Muslim when I showed up wearing a head scarf over my first Sunday of baldness. Really? Yep… really… at church. I cannot make this stuff up people. Really, sometimes it is best to say nothing rather than say something so idiotic to someone wearing a head scarf for the first time to church. But you know what? After a few minutes, I let it go because I love this person regardless. Haven't we ALL put our foot in our mouths at different times in our lives, or not known what to say to people going through difficult situations? All we can do is love each other anyways, share God’s grace and move on.

3.   Listening to an ostentatious young man complain about his living conditions, call one of the items we served him as ‘interesting,’ boast about what he looked forward to doing after his upcoming release, and seeing the wasted potential of two years of service all while he refused to look me in the eye while trying to converse. Really? I wanted to lecture this clueless kid about being humble…. “look people in the eye you little turd, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable, because it is okay to see that others are less fortunate than yourself.” But even a returning Elder can be clueless to seeing that others sacrifice for their own benefit. Really. Okay, once again, God’s grace whisks away the grumpiness because it is sufficient to understand that we are all God’s children and if personal growth does not come sooner, it will come later. People do not know what they do not know, and all the lecturing in the world will not speed up the process. People must figure things out on their own and it is not my job to enlighten a clueless twenty-one year old. Just love him for the clueless kid he was or is; God loves him and sees his potential, so through His grace, so can I.

   

4.    Seeing all my boys’ hair all grow back as quickly as chia pets… I know it is totally unreasonable to assume we would all be bald together for the duration, but the solidarity was nice while it lasted. Now the St. Baldrick’s high has worn off and I am missing my hair. The bottom line is that being bald totally blows and it is amazing how cold one can become with no hair to hold in the body heat. BUT then my kind friend Carin shared her head scarf collection and my young friends Sami and Mekayla made me a warm blanket. Aww… thank you for the grace of warmth and kindness sweet friends.  

I am currently savoring Sheri Dew's little book Amazed by Grace this Easter season and I just can't relate enough how grateful I feel for the grace of our Savior. Without the knowledge of Heavenly Father’s plan, one might question the life of our Savior and how it came to an end so abruptly following the miracles prior to His death. He taught perfectly, He served perfectly, He loved perfectly. In the end, He was rejected… but His life was no failure. We know the life of our Savior has more meaning than when He lost His life. Although it looked like He couldn’t change the hearts of the people, He still provided a way for them to do so… to come to Him. He overcame pain, sin, death and evil and therefore achieved the greatest success this world have ever known. He rose. We can do the same, figuratively, physically and spiritually. He saved us in every sense of the word and in doing so, led the way for us to follow Him.  Our guiding light, our brother, our Savior… thank you for showing us the way. Thank you for giving grace to a soul so rebellious, stubborn and feisty as mine.