The Land of the LIving

After months of staring down the abyss of darkness, I have emerged on the other side and re-entered the world! Ha... that sounds as if I have traveled through a huge philosophical journey of some kind… how dramatic. In reality, we all do our best to survive the circumstances in which we find ourselves. I would like to think we rise to the occasion and do our best to navigate the path laid out before us. I have always loved pathways, trails, and walkways. It didn’t matter if it was the pathway behind my grandmother’s house that I raced down on my tricycle, a snow covered trail through the trees at the ski resort, or simple garden stepping stones. I love the sense of exploration. I once led Tim down a path in the mountains and had a close encounter with a rattlesnake; it was freaky... but paths are like that. Some paths are a delight to stroll down hand-in-hand without a care in the world, other paths are dredges through the worst terrain imaginable and absolutely no fun at all… like an endless hike at girls camp. People who live through cancer are often called survivors, but it is so cliche… what is the alternative? Crawling into bed and never leaving? I actually did that for a while… it is boring. I have never been the type of person who could sit still for too long unless I am sleeping. In general, I am easily distracted, my mind wanders and before I know it I am out in left field picking dandelions. Shall we take a stab at self-diagnosis and say maybe I am a tad ADD? Well, whatever this innate quirk is, it keeps my creative juices flowing, makes me curious about life and gives me the desire to explore and learn new things, which is why being sick these past months has been a complete drag.

I would like to report that I am doing much better... it is amazing how much better one feels when they are not being pumped full of chemotherapy treatments. The chemo cocktails just about did me in, but they also wiped out the cancer, so it was a pretty good trade. Several people have recently commented on how good I look, how I sound like myself again, or have color in my face, etc., etc. “Thank you very much,” I say with pride as if I quit smoking or overcame an addiction, “it is only because we are no longer filling my body with intravenous poison!” Coming back has been a slow process and some of the side effects of chemo will take a while to recover. When I become frustrated about not being able to do all the things I used to do, Tim reminds me to be patient, that it will take a little time. So I am patiently striving to regain my physical strength and stamina. The good news is that my eyebrows and eyelashes are starting to grow back! They are barely there, like I gave them a buzz cut, but I will take these baby brows and do a little jig… as much as my neuropathy laiden feet will allow. Woot Woot!     

Surgery: We totally appreciate my petite, cold-handed surgeon. Other than having a blood clot in my lung, the surgery itself went quite well. The scarring is less than I expected and the pathology reports came back clear, so the prognosis is very good, which is a complete blessing. I am popping blood thinners to help with the clotting, but compared to all the other medications I’ve taken over the past seven months, this is easy peasy. I will begin radiation treatments after Labor Day and they will last about 4-6 weeks, depending upon how well I cook in the microwave. Just kidding… the nurse said they do not refer to it as frying, nuking or baking… but I can honestly not think of another way to describe it. When I was young and clueless, I loved slathering up with baby oil and baking in the sun. And while I still enjoy daily doses of vitamin D therapy, something tells me radiation treatments will not be as delightful, but it cannot possibly be as bad as chemo, so bring it on!

Another big part of why I feel so much better is that I started my grad program at BSU… can I just say how good it feels to use my brain again? I am a little overwhelmed by all the readings and in awe of the smarty pants hipsters surrounding me, but overall, I am happy to be back in the land of the living. We feel very blessed for the opportunities God gives us to stretch and grow. Is it weird to say that this cancer has also brought blessings? It has strengthened our family, reminded us of what matters most and drawn us closer to our Father in Heaven. Everyone needs a little reminder sometimes of how much we are loved and how essential faith is in our lives. Faith alone cannot solve all our problems, but it definitely helps us throughout our journeys.